


Teen wolf/ice cream/puppet

by milk_and_glitter



Category: MIKA (Musician) RPF, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-08 22:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7775275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milk_and_glitter/pseuds/milk_and_glitter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what have I done</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raetsuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raetsuki/gifts).



“Hey, Mika,” Andy said, “where'd that weird puppet thingy go?”

“I don't know,” Mika said. “I thought you moved it. We should get some ice cream. Maybe pistachio. Ooh, or chocolate peanut butter cup!”

“Huh. That's funny.”

“There's nothing funny about peanut butter!”

“No,” Andy said. “I meant I thought you moved the puppet because it's gone and there's a note where it was that says 'off to conquer world & wreak havoc xxx’ in your handwriting.”

“If I were planning to conquer the world I wouldn't tell you about it,” Mika said. “Well, I would, you'd be my accomplice, but I wouldn't just write a note so the world would know I was going to conquer it. Anyway, I'm hungry. Chocolate peanut butter?”

Andy sighed. This wasn't going anywhere. Ice cream would be good, though… “Sure,” he said. 

He opened the freezer. Sitting on top of the ice cream was an iPod. He picked it up. It wasn't cold? That was weird. “Did you put an iPod in the freezer?” He showed it to Mika. 

Mika shook his head. “I never had the U2 one,” he said. “Cool! Do you think it works?”

Andy fished around in his pockets until he found some earbuds. They each took half and Mika turned the iPod on. There was only one track on it, titled “Totally Not Gonna Send You On A Secret Mission To Save The World (Yeah Of Course This Is A U2 Song Why Do You Doubt Me?).”

“Good very very early morning lads,” David Attenborough's disembodied voice said. “As you are now aware, the weird Mika puppet has escaped and is planning to conquer the world and wreak havoc. Your mission, boys, should you decide to accept it, is to track down and exorcise the weird Mika puppet. You will be cooperating with another agent, who will arrive at your location shortly. As always, should any of you be captured the Audubon society will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This track will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, lads.”

Exactly five seconds later the screen filled with tiny crappily animated flames and a cheesy explosion sound played. When the flames cleared the track was gone. 

Andy and Mika looked at each other.

“What is this, Mission: Impossible?” Andy asked. 

 

“I think so,” Mika said, “but with David Attenborough.”

Someone knocked on the door. Well, hammered.

“Hey I'm Stiles,” said the guy standing outside. “Werewolf and paranormal expert.”

“Does that mean that you're a werewolf and also a paranormal expert or you're an expert on werewolves and other paranormal stuff?” Mika asked. 

“The second one,” Stiles told him. “I do know some werewolves though.”

“Oh, cool!” Mika said. 

“So are you that other agent the David Attenborough iPod said was coming?” Andy asked. 

“Yeah,” Stiles said. “Anyway, you'd better come with me.” He pushed up his sleeve. “This is a Jein teleporter. Or, as I like to call it, the Plot Convenience Device. Grab hold!”

Andy and Mika each grabbed one of its legs and Stiles pushed a button.


	2. Chapter 2

Mika smashed sideways into Andy. Fortunately Andy was already smushed against a tree, or they would've fallen over. 

He looked around. They were standing in a restaurant. It smelled like fish. And hot dogs. And it had that generic fast food smell of slightly burnt cooking oil. 

“Fish dogs?” Mika read, looking at the menu. “What, hot dogs made out of fish?”

That would explain the smell.

Stiles pulled an enormous backpack out of his pocket. “We should check if the puppet's in here.”

“Look at the soda machine!” Mika said. “It's got all these weird flavors! Banana-pear? Shrimp? Chocolate peanut butter? Mars bar?”

“Eww!” Andy said. “Who wants shrimp soda?”

“Can we keep on track here guys?” Stiles said. He was waving around what looked like a giant forked stick of gum, still in the wrapper. “Ooh, I'm getting some very interesting readings off this thing!”

“How are you getting a reading from giant chewing gum?” Andy asked. “And what kind of reading?”

“It's a very high-tech dowsing wand,” Stiles said. “Not gum. It's showing extremely high levels of pre-temporal hypernatural particles of artificially animated original.”

“You just made that up didn't you?” Mika asked. 

“What's it supposed to mean?” Andy asked.

“It means that something supernatural will be here at some point in the near future and it's something that was brought to life from a non-living or inanimate state, unlike a goblin or a vampire or a cabbage bat.”

“You did make it up!” Mika said. 

“Yes well that's not the point.” Stiles looked put-off. “The point is, we should set up a trap to capture the puppet when it arrives.”


	3. Chapter 3

Stiles held up a glitter glue pen and a piece of newspaper with a diagram of a train drawn on it in ballpoint pen. “One of you needs to draw this on all the windows. And the doors, I guess. They're glass too.”

“Ooh, I will,” Mika said. He grabbed the marker and bounced off towards the windows. 

“And you,” Stiles said, pointing at Andy, “Can you hang these over all the soda and ice cream machines?” He held up some charms made of what looked like bits of yarn and ribbon and pencil shavings and bits of moss and glitter. 

Andy took them and moved over to the soda machine. When he looked back, Stiles was hanging an enormous Echo and the Bunnymen poster from the ceiling. 

He finished hanging the charms and walked back to where Stiles was now spraypainting a bunch of hearts on the counter. “Anything else need doing?”

“Yes actually,” Stiles said. “We need an unbroken line of whipped cream going all the way around the room. Here.” He gave Andy a can of whipped cream the size of a fire extinguisher. It was heavy. 

Andy finished surrounding the room in whipped cream. 

Suddenly there was a noise like someone had plugged something into an amp that was already turned on and another one like someone had hit a wall with a pillow very hard. Andy turned around and saw the creepy Mika puppet standing on the counter.


	4. Chapter 4

“Even with all your meddling, you'll never stop my plans for world domination!” the puppet said. 

“What plans?” Mika asked. 

“Nefarious ones!” the puppet told him. 

“How exactly have we been meddling?” Andy asked. 

“Meddlingly!” the puppet said. “Now stop asking foolish questions! If you keep asking questions I might accidentally invoke that trope where I reveal all my plans and you escape and defeat them with three seconds to spare!”

“Actually, we have you trapped,” Stiles said.

The puppet looked around. “Whipped cream? Glitter trains? How diabolical!”

“And that's not all!” Stiles said. He held up an empty cherry Coke bottle and an iPod. 

“If you're planning to trap him in the bottle, I think you're going to need a larger one,” Mika said. 

Stiles looked at the bottle. “You do have a point.” He handed the iPod to Mika, pulled out a magic marker, and drew a bigger bottle. “There. Better.”

“How do you plan to get me in the bottle?” the puppet asked. 

“Like this!” Stiles said. He pointed at Mika. 

“What?” Mika looked confused. 

_”Press play!”_ Stiles hissed. 

“Oh.”

“Never Gonna Give You Up” started playing.

“NOOOOOO!” the puppet screamed. It vanished and appeared in the bottle with a synthy noise and a spiky flash. 

“What were you going to do if that song hadn't worked?” Andy asked. 

“I had Rio and Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go next.”

“I'm glad the first one worked,” Mika said. 

“Anyway,” Stiles said, “I'd better get this guy back to the Audubon society. I'll send you two back first, though.” He snapped his fingers. There was another synthy noise and spiky flash.


	5. Chapter 5

“That whole thing was super weird,” Andy said. 

The two of them were sharing a carton of ice cream. It was over half gone already. 

“Are you going to want any more of this?” Mika asked. 

“If you eat all if this you'll die,” Andy told him. “Stop being so greedy.”

***

An hour a half later they had finished that carton and part of another, as well as two episodes of Red Dwarf. 

“I don't think we're gonna be able to sleep tonight,” Andy said. 

“Who cares?” Mika said. “We've got three and a half more cartons of ice cream and over nine series of Red Dwarf left. Let's just stay up!” He was bouncing up and down from the sugar. 

“You know what? That sounds like a great idea!”

***

Andy opened his eyes. He was still on the sofa, with Mika snoring on top of him. The Red Dwarf opening credits were playing and there were two empty ice cream cartons on the floor. 

He felt kind of sick. Maybe a nap would help? He adjusted Mika to a less uncomfortable position and went back to sleep.


End file.
